I’m a model living in LA and sometimes NYC. I grew up in Kalamazoo, Michigan. I’ve written for Vice, Esquire, HelloGiggles, xoJane, Style Con, Lady Clever, Crave, and a bunch of others. I love Seinfeld more than you.
For all work related inquiries please contact my manager:
Olivia Gerke at 3 Arts:
71 thoughts on “About”
When I saw this picture, I thought “Eeeee it’s that guy that allegedly gave Melissa Stetten Pink Eye.” See what you’ve done?
Today, after a summer-long hiatus from the internet, I learned that you are no longer an xojane contributor. I’ve spent the last hour getting up to speed on the situation, and I feel extremely compelled to reach out to you. I’m not sure if this is that best route, but linkedin won’t let me message you until I upgrade my shit, and I don’t want to pollute your twitter page with a shout out about stuff that at this point might be old news. So here goes.
I’ve loved xojane for a few years now, and I’ve particularly enjoyed your contributions. Skimming the article headlines, I would always stop to bracket your pieces, putting them at the front of my “read asap” tab queue. You’re a great writer. I really, really want you to know that I’ve been affected by your work. At times, your worlds have triggered in me that amazing sense of familiarity and connected-ness and relief that you get when, finally, a writer articulates a thought or feeling that until then had been kind of amorphously floating around your own head. You have a wonderful knack for inviting your readers inside your brain. Maybe that’s just your being honest. I have long regarded your xojane contributions to be really fucking special treats. So sorry to see you go, at least in that arena. I’m a huge fan and cannot fucking wait to see what you do next.
And for what it’s worth, it’s obvious to me that xojane did you wrong. It’s a shame, the way you were treated. And further more, it’s a shame what a huge loss xojane has dealt itself, and we the readers.
You have no idea how much I needed this. Thank you so much.
Hi Melissa, I just wanted to send you a message about all this xojane bullshit kicking off. I’m so sorry and it makes me so angry. Your columns were my favourite and your treatment has been outrageous. I know you aren’t in the slightest bit malicious. Please try to let it wash over you. Xxx
I’m a 15 (almost 16) year old girl from California. Sacramento’s Cast Images is having a model search this weekend, and I’ve been considering attending for awhile now. I have wanted to model for a long time, but as a child I never thought I was skinny or pretty enough. But, within the past year I gained some self-confidence and I really want to try it out. School is really important to me, so I am not thinking about this as a career (unless it really speaks to me once I start doing it). However, I want to try it out but I am a little nervous. I am not stick thin, I’m 5’8″ and a size 4/5 (27/28). I am afraid that since I don’t share the same shape as other models, it might not work out. I have read some of your blog and I admire you and really enjoy reading your pov on modeling. I would really appreciate it if you could possibly give me some tips or advice on modeling, and maybe your opinion on whether I should try it out or not. Thank you so much for being awesome!!!!
I am starting a new revolutionary fashion project, interested in your writing. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. Let’s talk.
Love your blog! Keep up the good work!!
Really loved your Vice articles so I’m really happy to find this blog. You write really well and, judging from above, you really annoy lonely frat boys! Two reasons to keep writing! And I need to find another adverb to use besides ‘really’!
Your 15 minutes are up …
Sorry there are so many assholes on the internet. I think you’re pretty great and your photography is fantastic. (And yay for Kalamazoo! I’m from the area…) Can’t wait to read more of your stuff.
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And i am glad reading your article. But want to remark on some general things, The web site style is great,
the articles is really excellent : D. Good job, cheers
Didn’t any of your mothers teach you “If you have nothing nice to say, do not say anything at all”?
I have not laughed this hard in a long time. It’s refreshing to find something so painfully honest , I look forward to any future updates.
Well I am glad that I am not your sig other 🙂 I really enjoy reading what you have to write…most of the time you make me smile during the middle of my work day. Keep writing…
It sounds like you really don’t like your job. I know what that is like. Have you thought about changing careers and doing something that makes you feel fulfilled and satisfied? It can be hard to make the change, but happiness is so worth it.
just found your blog on a search for ‘makes me want to beat the s**t out of somebody’ … lol. You’ve got a great writing talent and I hope you get some burn. If you’re looking for a great community to help deal with life, try going to an argentine tango class. It has ended up being basically therapy for me… for me tango has been a life changer. They’ve got a good community in LA… I’m in SF and am somewhat familiar with the crowd down there. Good luck w it! Write! Write!
You’re a great writer. I can’t believe some of the bullshit being posted above, makes me kind of glad to be an average-looking lady. Stick it to ’em.
Hilarious stuff! Keep it up.
I love twilight zone, seinfeld and “I want to get up in that pussy like William H Taft clearing the panama fucking canal.” 🙂 Let’s get married. I’ll be better to you than any of those fools that have lost you so far.
Hi Melissa. I joined your Twitter as I heard about you via internet mumbo jumbo. I like your wit. 🙂
You make me laugh. I hope all is well in your neck of the woods. New fan names me, aka Ryan
ugly melissa…no wonder such a bitch on tweeter.
WHO are you? Never heard of you!
You’re a model? How? You’re weird looking.
You write from the heart, obviously. Ever thought about ditching the model gig and writing smut for people like Kathy Griffin or Bill Maher? You have all the qualities they’re looking for–filthy mouthed, Christian bashing, LIBERAL SPEWING, self-loathing CRAP!! Cursing is so cool.
Get a life.
I don’t believe a word you say. You’re an opportunist and it looks like your little diatribe is working in your favor. Waaah waaah! Go eat something knobby knees and get some class!
Your interview on the Duncan Trussell Family Hour was great, really genuine and cool. Who knew people were still funny in real life?
Heard you on the Duncan Trussel Family hour last night. Somehow I enjoyed hearing your voice more then Rogans or Duncans….. Hmmmm. ANYWAYS good blog you got here. You have my support 100% with any endeavor you do.
Oh and Grey Aliens are just vessels in which other dimensional /astral entities visit this plane of existence to learn about themselves and/or others. Think of there bodies as mechanical / biological. Ever have an out of body experience? Now imagine a society/culture thousands of years more advanced spiritually and technologically. They can OBE with the snap of there fingers and move there consciousness into said bodies.
F U mate there are 2.3 billion Christians on planet Earth who believe in angels and zombie messiahs.
Melissa u are too dope. Keep @ it home girl!! 😉 fuk da trollz
Let’s meet while you are still in New York City. Even this Friday a possibility. Shoot me an email.
Just heard you on the Duncan Trussell Family Hour. Good pod, good blog. Peace out skinny legs.
I LOVE YOU, YOU ARE NOW PART OF THE DUNCAN TRUSSELL FAMILY,
I gotta comment on these commenters, cuz this is just too much. JohnnyRockU, I love how you consider it disrespectful to publicly humiliate someone who was doing something morally wrong…in public. If I was peeing in the street and someone took a picture and posted it to twitter, could I call them disrespectful? Oh and I’m really impressed that rich guys who date famous models (like you) have time to troll personal blogs. Very nice of you.
Robert, what the crap are you talking about dude? I’ve got to hope English is not your first language. The whole post was bat-crap crazy, but what is up with that last line? Are you trying to say your wife is a slut? Doesn’t seem like something you’d want to put out there for the world to see, but what do I know.
Finally (finally!), Edith, I think I love you.
Since Brian is a Christian and has proclaimed his love for God and family, we all know you are not being truthful about the airplane incident. You remind me of one of the countless liars who tried to take down another fine Christian man: Mel Gibson. The man directed “The Passion of The Christ”! There’s no way he has a drinking problem. He and Brian both are very good-looking movie stars and I just can’t imagine why you would want to hurt someone like that. Shame on you, Melissa! All of Brian’s Christian supporters and I will be praying for you to repent, and hopefully you will one day reveal the actual truth about your encounter with the handsome charmer!
Woah woah-I get the sarcasm but please lady Mel Gibson is a saint! He’s out there day in day out taking flak for any and everything. Does the man not deserve some respite from the tirade of bullshit directed his way?
“So anyway, how’s your sex life?”
Yeah Melissa! The next time you try to take down a “fine” Christian man, at least make sure he’s an ugly movie star. It’s what Edith would want.
Where’s Alfred Molina when you need him?
I love your blog. As a native Michigander who JUST moved to California, I love reading what you write! :o)
While your Twitter story may be true, mostly true, somewhat true, a little bit true, or not true at all, it was amusing. Problem is, it reveals more about how lousy you are as a human being and how much of an attention whore you are. Damn! Your good looks got you into yet another situation that a guy was being friendly with you, so being the person you are who wishes none of this kind of attention, you tweet your blow by blow scenario to your 13,000 followers as it’s supposedly happening at the expense of this guy and his family. If any of your story was true, instead of being the person who’s above this supposed nonsense that was put upon you, you joined right into it and created drama. Instead of putting the brakes on the whole thing when it was going someplace you didn’t want to go, you kept it going and turned it into an incident that has repercussions.
But hey! It got everybody talking about you and noticing who you are, so you’ll get another 5 minutes added to your 15 minutes of fame. While you may have your looks part down, just the little bit that I know about your personality would have me running the other way. I dated a girl a bit like that once, and despite her awesome looks, after a short time I had to deem her brain defective and move on. Thank God I met my wife a few years later who was so much better as a person in every way, and I can still say that 14 years later. She doesn’t do Twitter or Facebook because she considers herself above all that nonsense. ( I’m not though). There’s no doubt in my mind that if she chose those internet mediums, that she could make your tweeting scenarios seem like Sunday school.
Stetten Gate! Thank you for being witty. (And Pretty!) Mahalo!
I do find it hilarious that all the attempted slut-shaming is coming from so-called “Christians” with the average IQ of a Barcalounger. Yeah, I know *I’d* really lose sleep if some anonymous mentally-challenged jackwagon called me a bunch of names and accused me of being a slut, just because I spoke inconvenient truths about his/her/its best buddy.
Keep it up, “Team Brian”–please keep reminding me why I ran screaming from the abusive relationship known as Christianity years ago.
Your witty remarks really transcend life from the ordinary to the extraordinary. Your blogs are not only moving and deeply personal, they’re also sickeningly sarcastic – and that is a tricky cocktail to make. You, little miss, was why the internet was invented.
An anonymous fan.
apart from the sickeningly sarcastic part, I agree..
I would say, dripping with the very latest, up to the date jun 2012 irony..
basically, the girl is funny, but also, she looks at every single layer she can find..
might be time to go on to the next thing..
Boooooooring. No one wants to read a 30 line post.
Love your wit. Eff these jealous aholes.
This girl has some serious daddy issues.
@Russell Neches, where do you see her saying “stop”? She is an attention whore and a frequent liar. It’s just sad that people think that she was right to publicly humiliate someone with a made up story.
A beautiful up-and-coming model with a snarky sense of humor, refined intellect and perfect pear-shaped body? Wait, since when do these exist? When I get somewhere as a designer, I can only hope to cast girls like you. Stay hilarious xx
nah, I wouldn’t get a comment “fliter-er.” let them fliter! er!
I think you need a publicist and a comment fliter-er, your comments are all over the place… Being overnight-internet famous must be rough!
You share the same candidness as Bronson Pinchot. At first I disliked your Brian’s tweets, but on reading further, you’re bringing darkness into the light so be it.
In brief :
Regarding Brian, I could care less if he’s married or not. You said stop, he didn’t, consequences followed. Cosmic balance, restored.
Regarding commenters “Fuck You” and “A camera,” I sincerely hope the opportunity will present itself to give them the Brian treatment.
I, for one, I think your photos are cool and your articles are hilarious.
P.S. — I am also extraordinarily entertained to see the Media’s Best and Brightest posting their phone numbers for all to see here. I’m tempted to call them up and introduce myself as “Melissa with a really bad cold.”
Me and everyone else wants to interview you. Hit me up via email. nicholas AT nicholaspell DOT calm
Kalamazoo, eh? We Suburban Detroiters have some bad stereotypes in our head about Western Michiganders.
I am guessing you always get your way and nobody ever really confronts you cause you are absolutely beautiful…Bla Bla Bla. Yes you are hot.. I think so too… However at the expense of others you amuse yourself and your followers.. maybe you are hoping to build some sort of modeling career out of your public kiss and tell comments..i would hate to be your serious boyfriend and make a mistake.. wow you would cut my balls off.. Maybe that’s why you wont become famous unless you end up hosting some sleazy trash Celeb Chasing show..
You obviously have no class and have probable daddy issues w men..
I understand the married actor was a bit sleazy but to expose him like that just for making fun conversation on a airplane is pretty classless… How do you know.. Maybe he is separated and his wife is a hormonal disaster and F;s around on him all the time and he is just trying to get away from her…
your whole disrespectful attitude towards others is a huge turn off no matter how hot you think you are.. I am not famous but wealthy good looking and have dated many models actually well known. been around a lot and never met such a bitter attention seeking bitch such as your on line presence -persona puts out You seem to be beautiful on the outside but pretty ugly on the inside.. I would love to take a poll from your ex’s and have them all interview me.. than I would love to post what they say about you ?? how bout that
BTW….Attention All Ex’s Email me please to .. .well no but comments here would be good…. Game on girl.. Lets do this.. it could be a good lesson for you… Anyway…If i was that actor you tried to embarrass i would make it my life mission for you never to get a job in hollywood !!!.. BTW.. if you havent learned yet.. Getting hit on by guys no matter what is gonna happen but dealing with it gracefully and classy is a art in itself which you should learn some manner. Its also sad that some probable 17 y/o aspiring model reads your blog as if you are a actual famous model that actually pays your bills and somehow aspire to treat men the way you do.. that would be sad…..
oh let me guess.. Your tired of men allays sexually hassling you all the time. or you cant find any real girlfriends off line… because they are threatened by your beauty…and fear you will steal their men…
Good thing you’re not petty.
Didn’t we meet on a plane? I love “artists” such as myself.
Have I showed you my neat Ring? I am in a fellowship….
Found you due to Bad Luck Brian on your plane, and Reddit. It seems you’re not so bad at writing, and you know who Mike Patton is. Those things make you A-OK in my book.
what a total cunt. Acts offended when someone tries to strike up a conversation, while constantly trying to solicit attention from 13k strangers online.
you’re tall and skinny, no one cares about your writing, just post naked pics
Your self portraits kinda suck, have you tried taking them naked instead?
Vinnie O’Dowd here from a radio station based in Dublin. Might you be able to give me a shout? Would like to interview you. +353 1 6564614. Thanks.
And here I thought Kalamazoo only produced famous athletes. Who knew?
For what it’s worth.. as the shitstorm of people breaking your balls about outing Brian someone on a flight. Fuck that guy. From the first lie he gave up his right to privacy, as you have the right to vet what he tells you.
If you ‘ruined his life’, it just means you got there first.
Our lives are pretty dissimilar and after reading some of your blog I don’t really think we have anything in common (besides being tall and skinny), but I seriously love the way you write.
-So anyway thanks for an entertaining afternoon.
Love your honesty and thoughts — Keep writing!
You are hilarious, and i love your blog. And I’m from kzoo too! 269 represent!
Full disclosure: I’m an O&A pest. Love the blog, keep it up.
Anon sledge based on absolutely nothing… you just have to love the internet!
you are such a stuck up bitch
she’s at least witty about it.
well aren’t you a ray of sunshine!
My name is Jerome Minerva. Please give me a call at The Associated Press at (212) 621-1600. Thanks.