[This post contains graphic sexual language.]
Does the name David Choe sound familiar? Maybe not. I first heard of him from watching the Koreatown episode of Anthony Bourdain’s “Parts Unknown.” Which, by the way, was a horrible episode. Who goes to a Sizzler to display the plethora of delicious restaurants in LA’s Koreatown? What about that crazy place where you cook the meat at your table and leave smelling like you murdered a pig then took a bath in barbecue sauce? No one comes to LA to eat at the Sizzler. No one. Anyway. David Choe was Bourdain’s guest on the show. I remember him saying his key to being successful is to never date a Korean girl (he’s Korean himself) because they are too much like his mother — overbearing, jealous, and unreasonable. He’s also the one who suggested the Sizzler as a Koreatown delicatessen so I hate-Googled him. Here’s what I found — He’s a subversive contemporary artist who was paid by Facebook to draw murals on their office walls, and made millions when he opted to be paid in stock. In addition to Facebook HQs all over the world, a piece of his work is hanging in The White House. He’s an incredibly successful gambler, and did jail time for punching a security guard. He stars in a show for Vice called “Thumbs Up!” where he hitchhikes everywhere. He also has a podcast with porn star Asa Akira called DVDASA where they talk about sex, relationships, and the entertainment business. Take away his creativity and he sounds a lot like an ex-boyfriend of mine.Honestly? Other than the racist and misogynistic stuff he said about Korean women, he sounds like someone I would be into. I do love people with strong personalities who don’t care about censoring themselves. But then I heard someone talking about an episode of a podcast where a girl accused her co-host of being a rapist. I looked it up and found out it was David Choe’s podcast. I remembered him from Anthony Bourdain’s show so I listened to the episode. The masseuse story starts around 1:13:00.Side note: He’s doing this thing called “Erection Quest” where he’s on an adventure to get a super hard erection.
On this podcast, he talked about getting an upscale massage from a very attractive masseuse he calls “Rose.” He says he got an erection during the massage and started masturbating without asking or saying anything to the masseuse. He says:
It’s dangerous and it’s super self destructive. I’m at a place and there’s potential for a lawsuit…and she has given me no signs that she’s into me or that this is appropriate behavior. In my head I go “Do you care if I jerk off right now?” and it sounds so creepy in my head that I go I can’t say that out loud … So I go back to the chill method of you never ask first, you just do it, get in trouble and then pay the price later.
…So I just start jerking off. So then her hands gets off my leg and she just stops … I go “Look I’m sorry I can’t help myself — can you just pretend like I’m not doing this and you continue with the massage?” And she’s like “All right” and she does … I’m like “Can I touch your butt?” and I reach out and touch her butt and she pulls away. She doesn’t want me to touch her butt.
After a few minutes of her continuing the massage, he asks for oil and she grabs the bottle and pours it on him. He says it’s kinda cold and asks her to rub it and she doesn’t. He grabs her hand and puts it on his penis. He asks her to spit on it and she says no, then he asks her to kiss it and she says no. “She’s definitely not into it, but she’s not stopping it either,” he says.
… I say “Kiss it a little,” she says “No, all the massage oil is on it” and I take the back of her head and I push it down on my d**k and she doesn’t do it. And I say “Open your mouth, open your mouth,” and she does it and I start facef**king her.
This is the part of the podcast where his co-host Asa, seemingly jokingly says, “You raped her.”
Choe says he kept going until he ejaculated in her mouth, then asked Rose if she would have sex with him, to which she says no. She asks him to lay back down and continues the massage as if nothing had happened. Asa continues to kid him about being a rapist, to which he responds:
With the rape stuff…I mean, I would have been in a lot of trouble right now if I put her hand on my dick and she’s like “F**king stop I’m gonna go call security.” That would have been a much different story. But the thrill of possibly going to jail, that’s what achieved the erection quest.
Later, he insists he really didn’t rape the masseuse. “She said yes with her eyes,” he says.
After the massage, he asks “Rose” why she wouldn’t have sex with him and she tells him she has too big of a crush on him and is afraid she might fall in love. Everyone, including Choe, seems to chalk the incident up to Choe trusting his “instincts” that despite giving every indication that she doesn’t want to be sexual with him, the girl actually likes him. And “I was right,” he says, which is why he refers to himself, again jokingly, as a “successful rapist.”
In the end, David says that the girl asks him if he’d like to go out sometime and he says yes and gives her a fake number. The podcast members then have a discussion about “rapey” behavior vs. “rape,” which concludes with David saying, “I just want to make it clear that I admit that that’s rapey behavior, but I am not a rapist.”
I don’t know if David Choe’s masseuse really said the “might fall in love with you” line. I wasn’t there. But I’ve been in situations where a guy has talked me into having sex when I didn’t really want to. Of course I was younger and “didn’t want him to not like me.” Ugh, I was such a needy idiot teenager. I remember being 16 and hanging out with a guy who was in college that I met through an AOL message board about Midwest raves (I shouldn’t have been allowed on the Internet back then). Yo, Chris Hansen! Where the hell were you and the “Dateline NBC” predator crew when I needed you the most?Me and college dude were drinking at his house one night and it was late so I wanted to go home. He was nice but I just wasn’t super into him. He talked me into staying and drinking more. I had no idea how to be assertive that young, so I let him have sex with me. From what I remember, he took off the condom halfway through and ejaculated in me. The next morning I woke up to him talking on the phone in Russian and could only imagine that he was saying, “This dumb skinny teenager let me ejaculate in her last night, high five!”Plan B wasn’t available through just pharmacies yet, so I went to the free clinic in downtown Kalamazoo with my friend to get a prescription. The walk of shame isn’t quite complete without swinging by Rite Aid for a pill. Could I call that rape? No, I don’t think so. I never said a flat out “No,” but I know in my mind I did not want to have sex and was taken advantage of.
I don’t know if “Rose” really had a crush on David or not. All I know is the way David told the story makes it seem like he forced an unwilling woman to give him oral sex. And as Asa points out, I’m pretty sure his way of thinking is the same as a lot of rapists — She’s saying no but I just feel like she means yes.
At the end of the podcast, David repeatedly says he’s feeling “really nervous” about Asa calling him a rapist. I can’t help but think maybe he should be.