No, @HottAmberXXX, I don’t want to read your horoscope

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Hipster Hooker.

I’ve been to three strip clubs, two in Kalamazoo and one in Portland. The girls in Portland were fairly cute and normal. They all had black hair, bangs, and tattoos. If you saw them in the daylight you’d assume they were hairstylists or waitresses. The strippers in Kalamazoo were the types of girls who snorted Ritalin in high school and mysteriously went missing for nine months because they “had mono.” I saw a girl I went to high school with at Angel’s Gentleman’s Club in Michigan. She had a daughter, maybe two, and was on coke. Actually it was probably meth; the farms and empty towns in between cities in the Midwest are littered with trailer park meth labs. It was uncomfortable to see her dancing around with a shirt on, I think my friends and I left after ten minutes.

I’ve never been to a Los Angeles strip club, nor do I have the desire to ever go. I’ve heard the girls are very typical for LA- fake boobs, tans, and lip liner. Those girls have their reasons for taking their clothes off in front of guys. I’m sure all of them either enjoy the attention, need money, do it for fun, or like taking advantage of men because their childhood was shitty. I don’t know them personally and I’m in no position to judge but from what I’ve heard from men those are the most popular motives.

Whenever I make stripper or prostitute jokes on twitter I get lambasted by girls with “xxx” in their name.  I’m sorry @HottAmberXXX or whoever for joking about your job.  I’m also really turned off by guys who befriend a shit ton of them on the internet.  I don’t know what they’re getting out of it…tit pics? It sure as hell isn’t for their daily horoscope tweets or photos of them wearing glasses with the caption “I’m such a nerd xoxo.”  Hey hot girls- stop doing that.

I feel like prostitutes are more emotionally damaged than strippers or porn stars. The thought of going to a different guy’s house every night and having sex with them without an emotional connection sounds horrendous. I’m a little obsessed with it because as hard as I try to understand that world and accept it, I can’t. There are plenty of girls who tell their boyfriends that they are into that, but I can’t help but assume some of them only do it to please their man.

Someone told me that 90% of men have at one point in their lives paid for some type of sex. Is this true?  From listening to and reading things guys have said I’ve come to an understanding that men who like buying women are in it for the game and to feel power.  Do they feel like more of a man because they are conquering a woman?  Is it really as deep as that?  Or are they just really fucking horny and lonely?

What is that side of a man’s personality that enjoys inviting over a hooker to pay for sex? Is that disrespectful towards women even though it’s their occupation? Is it just a fetish that you’re paying for something and therefore own her for that hour or two? I have no fucking idea. I do know that I will never understand that world.

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14 thoughts on “No, @HottAmberXXX, I don’t want to read your horoscope

  1. Hi Mel,

    The problem with trying to understand peoples behaviours and preferences is you really need to understand how varied human psychology can be. You cannot place yourself inside the mind of a man or any person for that matter because you are you, with your point of view which is based on many things including your past experiences, personality and upbringing.

    Why do men visit prostitutes? They do it for various reasons and sometimes the reason changes. The world is not black and white, it’s not even in shades of grey. It fills the full spectrum and beyond then unfolds in 3 dimensions. In my case I was 19, drunk, a virgin so the reason on the surface was alcohol and testosterone. Jump to 15 years later and I’m divorced on depression meds and living in a hotel, I was lonely and desperate. Neither of those were about power or domination. Like you it was fuelled by insecurity.

  2. I’ve paid for a prostitute twice. the first time was mere curiosity (that curiosity stuff always gets me in a lot of trouble). I thought it would be fun and exciting, meeting a strange girl and having sex with her for the night. It was the opposite, weird, awkward, emotionless. Truthfully, it was like that because of her, if she even tried a little things could have been a lot different. But I can’t blame her. Anyone in her situation must have had a very hard life. Chances are she didn’t like doing it, or created a mental barrier for herself to slip away into during the nights.

    The second time I thought maybe it was just the first girl that made it weird, so i tried again. This time was pretty much the same, but the girl was closer to my age (or so it looked). We talked a little and I tried the best I could to make things comfortable. It was still weird..awkward. We fooled around a little, and but mainly just talked. I tried to convince her to try something different in life. She told me about her parents, her dad was a miner, or so she said. I told her he must work hard to try to give you the best life he could offer you. Just talked about stuff like that, for hours. I think it worked, I think she stopped doing it. I told her maybe we could hang out one day, when we were both in better situations in life. I think she tried to call me once too. I didn’t pick up though…We shared an intimate night (even if it was only pseudo), and talked about deep things, but the truth was that we never really knew each other, and having met like that just wouldn’t have ever felt right, at least not for me. I still wonder how’s she’s doing, and why she ever started in the first place. I like to think she only just tried it to see what it might be like, just like I did. Yeah, I’m sure that was it.

    I learned my lesson, and I haven’t been back to one since, or ever plan on going to one ever again.

    As much as they try to act like there’s nothing wrong, I feel like there must be. We all have crappy days where we just look at life and wonder what the future holds (what! I can’t be the only one that does that, right?). If it’s tough for everyday people, imagine how it would be for someone like that. But I don’t know, maybe I just want it to be like that, so it’d feel like there was justice in the world, you know? Justice…It doesn’t feel like there’s enough of lately..

    but what do i know?

  3. Wow… love these responses. Such honesty and realness! We all come from different worlds, maybe 90% of men have had paid for sex but we can’t really say or judge why.

  4. When did going to strip clubs ever become respectable? It never has and never will.

    No parent wants their daughter to grow up and become a stripper/pole dancer. Even strippers/pole dancers don’t want their children to be strippers/pole dancers.

    These women have lost all self-respect for themselves and after a while become locked into the income they derive from their job – they also succumb to the environment they work in – alcohol, drugs, horrible men etc. and fool themselves into thinking they are still respectable people with self respect. They are not.

    The girls and women that work in these clubs have slipped to a very low rung in life – in fact many are clinging onto this last rung.

    I am always surprised by those adverts you see on taxi roofs in New York.

    “So and so gentleman’s club” – believe me, anyone that goes to those clubs is NOT a gentleman.

    “I feel like prostitutes are more emotionally damaged than strippers or porn stars. The thought of going to a different guy’s house every night and having sex with them without an emotional connection sounds horrendous. I’m a little obsessed with it because as hard as I try to understand that world and accept it, I can’t. There are plenty of girls who tell their boyfriends that they are into that, but I can’t help but assume some of them only do it to please their man.”

    Why do you feel you have to “understand that world and accept it.” Why?

    There is no reason you have to accept it. You ARE in a position to judge. Anyone is.

    Prostitutes, strippers and pornographic performers, (especially prostitutes) have all the power and none of the responsibility. For them it can be purely transactional – however that is not to say that it does not damage them psychologically – it does.

    No mentally balanced woman (who is being honest), will say that she could have casual sexual intercourse night after night with different men without any serious negative psychological consequences. (not to mention the increased risks of contracting sexually transmitted diseases form HPV to HIV)

    “Sex and the City” is really about gay men – it is their fantasy – they just changed the sex of the characters.

    Feminists and people who academic and people who study feminist/gender studies believe that sex is a “social construct.”

    However, these people have never visited the dissection lab in a medical school. One visit there and they would soon realize (unless they are totally brain washed) that men and women are very different and these difference are not only physical but mental too.

    Take this simple example; A fertile man and a fertile women go out and have unprotected sex, every night, with random strangers for 3 months. Only one will be left holding the baby so-to-speak.

    Thus women have evolved to be more cautious about who they have sexual intercourse with. The drive to find a mate and to mate with that mate is stymied by the need to find a mate who will be able to help support the mother and child in the long run.

    Obviously, technology has removed some of the chance of pregnancy – the pill, condoms etc but it has not removed the psychological aspects and never will.

    This explains why young, fertile attractive women can be seen with and married to much older, much less attractive wealthy men. Men with resources that they will share with their mate and child.

    This explains why men strive and are very single minded about accumulating wealth/resources which they know they can use to attract young, fertile attractive women.

    We can talk about so-called “cougars” all you want. But ultimately, on average, a younger, fertile, more attractive woman will win, even if the “cougar” has substantially more resources than the man.

    Homosexual relationships – Grindr Vs Belndr which is more popular and why? Grindr because it is man + man. A totally different dynamic compared to man + woman.

    Just take a look in the Craig’s list small ads to see what different people advertise and look for based upon their sexual preference.

    Twitter/Facebook/Instagram/Vine friends and followers.

    These social media creations are more cause for divorces (especially being cited in divorces).

    ‘Whenever I make stripper or prostitute jokes on twitter I get lambasted by girls with “xxx” in their name. I’m sorry @HottAmberXXX or whoever for joking about your job. I’m also really turned off by guys who befriend a shit ton of them on the internet. I don’t know what they’re getting out of it…tit pics? It sure as hell isn’t for their daily horoscope tweets or photos of them wearing glasses with the caption “I’m such a nerd xoxo.” Hey hot girls- stop doing that.”

    Rule of thumb – If a guy is actively following/tweeting/messaging strippers etc he is interested in strippers. (If they are following him it is a bit different – but you can always block any followers).

    If a guy you date goes to strip clubs – end the relationship. This behavior is not appropriate or acceptable. These strippers/pornographic performers/prostitutes are not people who you want to be part of your or anyone who you are dating’s life.

    “Someone told me that 90% of men have at one point in their lives paid for some type of sex. Is this true? From listening to and reading things guys have said I’ve come to an understanding that men who like buying women are in it for the game and to feel power. Do they feel like more of a man because they are conquering a woman? Is it really as deep as that? Or are they just really fucking horny and lonely?”

    Whatever the reason is for men to use prostitutes, view strippers – it is not a moral thing – whatever reason the do it, be it power, sexual gratification or loneliness.

    Over the last 20 or so years there has been an attempt to make prostitution, stripping/ pole dancing, pornography mainstream and accepted. It will never be- it is a fringe occupation on the grubby/sleazy edge of society.

    Look at the absolute depravity of Charlie Sheen and the total and utter mess of personal and married life. and he has children.

    “What is that side of a man’s personality that enjoys inviting over a hooker to pay for sex? Is that disrespectful towards women even though it’s their occupation? Is it just a fetish that you’re paying for something and therefore own her for that hour or two? I have no fucking idea. I do know that I will never understand that world.”

    Any man that does this in the vast majority of cases lacking as a man.

    They have turned what is a a very intimate, sharing act between two people into, mechanical cold, self-gratification.

    These so-called men feel nothing for these women – who are in a lot of cases deeply damaged, vulnerable people – they use them and discard them like a tissue.

    Who knows what other self-gratification they get. Who cares.

    I have a feeling that because of your profession and the superficial aspects of it and the circles you move in that you become used to this sort of disrespectful attitude towards women and have come to think of it as normal and natural and have come to accept it.

    It is not, you are better than that – you have value as an individual and as a human being.

  5. I don’t think it’s disrespectful towards women pay for sex. They’re in the power position – they have a service that men will pay more. I think the West gets too caught up in sex taboos. Sex release/interaction can be just as therapeutic as a massage or acupuncture.
    Certainly there are women who get taken advantage of or enter the sex industry for financial needs. But people get taken advantage of in all industry. As a general philosophy, I don’t think the act of selling/paying for sex is disrespectful.
    For me, I’ve never paid for full on sex. I’ve had a couple special massages that led to more than massage – and ended up returning to her because it turned out my um, services were appreciated by her as well.
    If you believe sex is something to engage in only when coupled with emotional attachment, then you will likely always judge anyone who is doing it casually or in paid situations. But sex can sometimes just be…..sex.

  6. Most of the guys I know that have slept with prostitutes did it because they say it’s cheaper and less work than having a girlfriend.

    • ..which basically explains why they aren’t getting a girlfriend: women have radars for guys who see them as walking vaginas

  7. I must be on the loser end if that scale. I have never payed for any kind of sex. Unless you count child support and Alimony to my ex.

  8. You’re missing one huge reason: loneliness. I don’t want to engage in the emotional mess that a one-night stand can lead to, so the business transaction of a hooker helps alleviate the guilt of distancing from the emotional connection from sex. Strippers fall into the same category as hookers in that regards – I’ve been to strip clubs by myself (never with friends), and it’s just so I don’t feel so lonely. Simple as that.

  9. I admit I’ve called an escort service a half-dozen times (over the course of seven or eight years). And I’ve *only* gone to strip clubs alone, because I think I’d be embarrassed to suggest it to most of my friends. …I *hope* I’m not a perverted sex addict; but I admit that I’d probably come off as a creep. Or a quiet, introverted weirdo, at least.

    Ninety percent is probably a high number, but I agree that a large majority of guys has paid for a woman (getting a lap dance and hiring a hooker aren’t equivalent, but yeah, technically they’re both “paying for a woman”).

    Personally, it’s nothing about power for me; I just have a hard time meeting new people, and talking to an attractive girl is even harder. I wouldn’t even have the guts to ask a stripper for her phone number– that’s disrespectful; because they’re just doing their job. Most of them surely aren’t looking to hook up with customers. Or maybe I’m just going to the wrong club.

    But I certainly wouldn’t go to a strip club or hire a hooker if I was in a relationship. Unless it was her idea, I guess.

  10. Hey Melissa,
    I really liked your perspective on all this and to a degree you are right about the sleaziness level some dudes take on the stripper and prostitution system. If you don’t mind though, I would like to offer a different perspective on things from a guy who has a disability.

    You see, I’ve been confined to a wheelchair since birth and never had the easiest luck with women. I’m not paralyzed and my body works fine, it’s just a condition that keeps me from standing or walking properly. I have a badass life and do great things on a daily basis, including write for various websites and achieved a college degree. The only thing that has been my downfall is finding self-esteem within myself to matter in a relationship. Also, to find a girl who is comfortable sleeping with someone like me.

    You know that whole joke “Dating guys are like finding parking spaces… All the good ones are taken except the handicap ones.” Yeah, that’s what I deal with. I’ll admit, it’s funny but I can’t help but face people who have thought this way all my life.

    I was a virgin for many years and because of my insecurities, I feared I would say this forever. I know it’s dumb but we live in a society where people make it something your supposed to feel ashamed of. My close friend finally one day said he was gonna change this and take me somewhere. And yes, I slept with a working girl at a brothel at the age of 21. There was a sense of relief afterwards that I didn’t have to tell people I was a virgin anymore. When people asked, no, of course I didn’t say it was with a prostitute . I have dated though and had girlfriends so most assumed it was one of them. Do, I wish it could have been with someone more special? You bet. I just feared that special person would never show up. To this day though, my confidence has improved from that single experience.

    I’ve never gone to one since, and mainly because I haven’t needed to and most likely will never ever do something like that again. The actual system itself is a terrible thing for girls who are forced into it.

    Sorry for getting so personal lol… But I just wanted to see that not all dudes do it because they want a chase. Anyway, stay classy.

    • My friend there’s nothing to be ashamed of, the first time I had sex I was 16 and I payed for it I’m not gonna lie…to this day once in a great while I pay for sex. Prostitutes are humans too you know maybe they are in a situation where they need to this in the end models, actresses, bartenders, strippers, prostitutes are all selling sex appeal on a different level.

  11. This was another interesting read. I’m surprised that you stayed with this guy as long as you did. He wasn’t conquering those strippers and hookers:he was picking low-hanging fruit. It was an expression of his attitude toward women,something money can buy. He has problems you could never have solved,issues that were deep-rooted. His desperate grab at the 90 percent stat is a clear indicator that he had no idea how normal men act.
    I’m looking forward to your next posting.

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